psychologist Yulia Bockacheva and animator Maria Rumyantseva speak how to cope with these complicated situations
How to get through
an unbearable event
and not to have a breakdown?
и не разрушиться?
A psychological trauma — is a reaction of psychics to an unbearable event. As a result of it a part of the soul would seem not to be alive. Otherwise, it can not live.
In order to cope with an unbearable event the part of it has to ‘die’
In order to revive and to learn living in integrity special work is needed.
When the integrity falls apart, a person starts learning how to live in such a state. The adaptation is subconscious. The person does not remember how his/her own being has felt before this situation. it seems like it has always been that way.
One and the same situation may be:
Not all unbearable situations lead to a trauma
for one person
for another one
Is it possible to get through an unbearable event and not to be traumatized? What should be done?
It is important to remember that there are no final recommendations. But there are two fundamental points which can be fruitful after being thought over.
Trauma isolates
Isolation traumatizes
Nobody sees us when we stay face to face with hard feelings: terror, injustice, pain, powerlessness.
The main cause of forming a trauma is to experience an emotion alone
"Yes, I see it too, it really hurts"
Nobody confirms that it is really complicated, nobody says,
It is good if our nearest and dearest support and sympathize with us. But it is not enough.
At first, we can not verify our picture of the world and the situation itself. And as it is terrible, psychics prefers to leave it, depreciate it or totally "forget", "I do not see it, I do not remember it". So it has not taken place.
Finally, we are frightened and ashamed to share our emotions.

This fact causes isolation as close relationship is impossible if you can not share something important and painful.
If our friends and relatives depreciate it, alter or reject the "difficult-to-solve" situation, we start thinking, if we are all right? The case is that nobody sees what we see. So did it seem only to us?
"Isolation" does not mean that a person spends his life in the cave and does not socialize
It is more about the quality of contacts. People can be very "sociable", but these contacts may be absolutely superficial, without true communication.
a trauma isolates and the isolation traumatizes
A vicious circle turns up:
What is it to be done?
because exchanging glances in a friendly way would say to your soul, "You are here! I see you!"

Looking at another person we also send out, "You are here! I see you!" This contact is therapeutic for both sides.
If you have a dog, it is good to talk with dog-owners. If you do not have it, you can talk with them about their dogs.
Chat with talkative people even if they are strangers. They may be shop assistants, baristas and other nice (it is very important) people whom you come across. You can talk about weather, rain or a new type of delicious coffee, but avoid discussing bad things.
Do not avoid contacts. Do not ‘concentrate’ on your inner world
If it is possible, make contacts in any proper situation. Greet people looking at them at this moment. Do not make communication formal.
with those who are close to you, who appeal to your heart and mind
Contact with your type of people
Do not stay alone
based on common values
showing your own world picture
calling a spade a spade
frightens and scares you
sharing everything that worries
touching each other
looking directly at each other
Talk face to face
it would be better to turn to people just now, without waiting till you are getting better
Go to a cafe for a cup of tea or coffee with friends in good company
Accept invitations and invite someone yourself, even if there is no reason or business.
taking into consideration your own state and resources
Give a helping hand and help
It may be difficult for those who are usually stony-faced, tight-lipped and not used to “falling apart”. In this case, it is recommended to see a psychologist, hard feelings are really hard to cope with, and sufferers need a helping hand.
Cry and grieve together, feel angry, say bad words together.
Share hard feelings
Laugh together
Allow yourself to enjoy and have fun while socializing. Do not live in grief.
Do not postpone your birthday party and other holidays
celebrate them with your friends by all means. Accept invitations to one’s party. It is very important to have a place where you grieve and have fun.
At the same time hug and support some other man.
Hug, lean and rest on a good man in proper situation
Ask for help
Stop being a superhero and stop doing what is impossible to do on your own.
Psychic "freezes" a painful place in order to survive in an unbearable situation. It anaesthetizes. Special work must be done to come back to a previous "non-frozen" state. More often a splitting of mental and physical, emotional takes place.
Trauma breaks up
Breaking up traumatizes
Or they are held by all physical organs, that "breaks" the organism, making muscular "sarcophagi", doing harm to healthy movement patterns. So, say hello to a psychosomatic disorder and overweight.
But it is impossible to freeze something locally. If we do not feel pain then all the sensitiveness is getting lower.
When you are thinking it is possible not to feel. So, it is not so painful. In this moment, feelings are locked in the body, gurgling in it and becoming poisonous.
In general, vitality which is responsible for a man’s communication with the world is suffering. This is an ability to stay alive, move, act, develop.
Vitality determines a quantity of energy and enthusiasm in a man. But when sensitiveness is broken, a person does not react to one’s vital requirements and is hurt again.
If there is no anger, there is no joy. If there is no grief, there is no fun.
a trauma splits – splitting traumatizes
There is one more vicious circle:
What is to be done?
Baths, if you like them
Do not do it with force, if you breathe in a perfunctory way or hold your breath. Just breathe properly, and gradually you start breathing deeper and wider.
Pay attention to your breath
Slowly as elderly people do, for a start. If you can, do it fast. You can go jogging. It depends on what you like and what you are able to do.
Why must one do it carefully? Because a trauma can be made again, we can hurt our injured place, the contact with the body, as a result, the action hurts the old wounds.

It is good to train both the body and breathing, but most of us can not do it on their own, so it is better to consult a therapist.
It can be free, spontaneous. There must not be learned, right movements, but simple ones when you are listening to music
Water in any form. Have a shower, a bath, walking under (warm!) rain.
If there is nobody to hug. It can be a soft toy or a rolled up blanket. Lie and hug it.
A wonderful process. Do not hurry, do it emotionally, warmly
Rolling on the floor
It is not to be a professional one. You can make it yourself, stroking, pressing, knocking your body, starting with your ankles and moving upwards. Touch yourself carefully but perceptibly. Listen to your sensations.
What does it mean? It means to move your muscles, to move the organism in any possible way. It must be done to feel your body, to make it alive, to exist.
To "enter" the body carefully
Stretch quietly after you are awake in the morning, as a cat having a good sleep. Stretch your arms-legs-back-neck
Just stretch
It is important to do it feeling inside your body, being a body
Alas. It can ease pain for a little time. This is a way of helping yourself at the expense of physical tiredness. But it can not cure systematically.
You can do any body activity automatically, concentrating on your mind. It will not be helpful but will do harm and will deepen the splitting in most cases.
It is a choice
Just now. In spite of everything.
The most important thing is that you can not take care of yourself till you make a decision TO LIVE
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