In order to cope with an unbearable event the part of it has to ‘die’

A psychological trauma — is a reaction of psychics to an unbearable event. As a result of it a part of the soul would seem not to be alive. Otherwise, it can not live.

psychologist Yulia Bockacheva and animator Maria Rumyantseva speak how to cope with these complicated situations

How to get through

an unbearable event

and not to have a breakdown?

и не разрушиться?

In order to revive and to learn living in integrity special work is needed.

When the integrity falls apart, a person starts learning how to live in such a state. The adaptation is subconscious. The person does not remember how his/her own being has felt before this situation. it seems like it has always been that way.

One and the same situation may be:

Not all unbearable situations lead to a trauma

"harmless"
for one person

"traumatic"
for another one

Is it possible to get through an unbearable event and not to be traumatized? What should be done?

It is important to remember that there are no final recommendations. But there are two fundamental points which can be fruitful after being thought over.

Nobody sees us when we stay face to face with hard feelings: terror, injustice, pain, powerlessness.

The main cause of forming a trauma is to experience an emotion alone

"Yes, I see it too, it really hurts"

Nobody confirms that it is really complicated, nobody says,

It is good if our nearest and dearest support and sympathize with us. But it is not enough.

At first, we can not verify our picture of the world and the situation itself. And as it is terrible, psychics prefers to leave it, depreciate it or totally "forget", "I do not see it, I do not remember it". So it has not taken place.

Finally, we are frightened and ashamed to share our emotions.

This fact causes isolation as close relationship is impossible if you can not share something important and painful.

If our friends and relatives depreciate it, alter or reject the "difficult-to-solve" situation, we start thinking, if we are all right? The case is that nobody sees what we see. So did it seem only to us?

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What is it to be done?

because exchanging glances in a friendly way would say to your soul, "You are here! I see you!"

Looking at another person we also send out, "You are here! I see you!" This contact is therapeutic for both sides.

If you have a dog, it is good to talk with dog-owners. If you do not have it, you can talk with them about their dogs.

Chat with talkative people even if they are strangers. They may be shop assistants, baristas and other nice (it is very important) people whom you come across. You can talk about weather, rain or a new type of delicious coffee, but avoid discussing bad things.

Do not avoid contacts. Do not ‘concentrate’ on your inner world

If it is possible, make contacts in any proper situation. Greet people looking at them at this moment. Do not make communication formal.

with those who are close to you, who appeal to your heart and mind

Contact with your type of people

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Do not stay alone

based on common values

showing your own world picture

calling a spade a spade

frightens and scares you

sharing everything that worries

touching each other

looking directly at each other

Talk face to face

it would be better to turn to people just now, without waiting till you are getting better

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Go to a cafe for a cup of tea or coffee with friends in good company

Accept invitations and invite someone yourself, even if there is no reason or business.

taking into consideration your own state and resources

Give a helping hand and help

It may be difficult for those who are usually stony-faced, tight-lipped and not used to “falling apart”. In this case, it is recommended to see a psychologist, hard feelings are really hard to cope with, and sufferers need a helping hand.

Cry and grieve together, feel angry, say bad words together.

Share hard feelings

Laugh together

Allow yourself to enjoy and have fun while socializing. Do not live in grief.

Do not postpone your birthday party and other holidays

celebrate them with your friends by all means. Accept invitations to one’s party. It is very important to have a place where you grieve and have fun.

At the same time hug and support some other man.

Hug, lean and rest on a good man in proper situation

Ask for help

Stop being a superhero and stop doing what is impossible to do on your own.

Psychic "freezes" a painful place in order to survive in an unbearable situation. It anaesthetizes. Special work must be done to come back to a previous "non-frozen" state. More often a splitting of mental and physical, emotional takes place.

Or they are held by all physical organs, that "breaks" the organism, making muscular "sarcophagi", doing harm to healthy movement patterns. So, say hello to a psychosomatic disorder and overweight.

But it is impossible to freeze something locally. If we do not feel pain then all the sensitiveness is getting lower.

When you are thinking it is possible not to feel. So, it is not so painful. In this moment, feelings are locked in the body, gurgling in it and becoming poisonous.

In general, vitality which is responsible for a man’s communication with the world is suffering. This is an ability to stay alive, move, act, develop.

Vitality determines a quantity of energy and enthusiasm in a man. But when sensitiveness is broken, a person does not react to one’s vital requirements and is hurt again.

If there is no anger, there is no joy. If there is no grief, there is no fun.

There is one more vicious circle:

What is to be done?

Baths, if you like them

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Do not do it with force, if you breathe in a perfunctory way or hold your breath. Just breathe properly, and gradually you start breathing deeper and wider.

Pay attention to your breath

Walk

Slowly as elderly people do, for a start. If you can, do it fast. You can go jogging. It depends on what you like and what you are able to do.

Why must one do it carefully? Because a trauma can be made again, we can hurt our injured place, the contact with the body, as a result, the action hurts the old wounds.

It is good to train both the body and breathing, but most of us can not do it on their own, so it is better to consult a therapist.

It can be free, spontaneous. There must not be learned, right movements, but simple ones when you are listening to music

Dancing

Water in any form. Have a shower, a bath, walking under (warm!) rain.

Swimming

If there is nobody to hug. It can be a soft toy or a rolled up blanket. Lie and hug it.

Hugging

A wonderful process. Do not hurry, do it emotionally, warmly

Rolling on the floor

Massage

It is not to be a professional one. You can make it yourself, stroking, pressing, knocking your body, starting with your ankles and moving upwards. Touch yourself carefully but perceptibly. Listen to your sensations.

What does it mean? It means to move your muscles, to move the organism in any possible way. It must be done to feel your body, to make it alive, to exist.

To "enter" the body carefully

Stretch quietly after you are awake in the morning, as a cat having a good sleep. Stretch your arms-legs-back-neck

Just stretch

It is important to do it feeling inside your body, being a body

Alas. It can ease pain for a little time. This is a way of helping yourself at the expense of physical tiredness. But it can not cure systematically.

You can do any body activity automatically, concentrating on your mind. It will not be helpful but will do harm and will deepen the splitting in most cases.

Just now. In spite of everything.

The most important thing is that you can not take care of yourself till you make a decision TO LIVE

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